Got {insert whatever you are selling here}?

Intersting fact: The first "Got Milk?" ad was in 1993.



'93 people!!



Let's stop beating a dead horse and call it good with all the GOT ___? crap, OK? OK!

Bump!

I've been trying to be nice about this. Give you a nice buffer of 9 months or so but if you drive past me with a VOTE 2008 bumper sticker - you're going to get something thrown at you!



Either you are lazy or stupid...



Take it off, take it off, for the love of God, take it off!

You're So Vain

You have your name on your license plate.

Hmm.

That's original.

Most personalized license plates are stupid.

I did see one funny one... it was on a Mini Cooper and said "ACTULSZ"

Status

So when you were engaged it was about the wedding...

Then you got married and it's about your 'hubby'

Then you got knocked up. Surprise! All about being 'preggo'

Now it's about your kid.

Get a life!

Hospital Don'ts

If your sister just had a baby. I'm talking literally pushed the kid out less than 3 hours ago, DO NOT load up your three snot nosed kids under the age of 5 that just had the swine flu and go visit them at the hospital.

Then insist that all 3 kids take turns holding the baby. Especially when a couple of them are nose pickers.

Mom just went through 24 hours of labor, didn't sleep and pushed a child out of her pelvis. I'm sure she is up to visitors spreading germs to her newborn and keeping her awake.

Good idea, really.

Sweet House!

Oh wait, you live with your parents?

You're how old again?

Right...

"Text" Talk

OMG! Is ne1 els srsly annyd w/ppl abbrv evrthng!!

Holy freaking crap - I swear my eyeballs are bleeding. I'm sorry, when I get any type of communication that is missing that many vowels I think you have suffered brain damage. Is it really that much easier to type ne1 rather than anyone?

I don't like texting like that and I reallllly don't like reading emails like that.

It's called English and I'm a big fan.

Yikes!

STOP using tanning beds!! Apparently they are as dangerous as arsenic!?!

Not Smart

If you are in a power chair because you are obese, it's probably not the best idea to use said power chair to drive to McDonald's.

I'm just say'n.

Try Again.

Unless you are farming, gardening, working on equipment, or under the age of 2 - you should not under any circumstances be wearing overalls.

Trust me on this one.

How to look like white trash in 3 easy steps:

1. Cut the arms off of your own shirts.

2. Bring your 18 months old child to the grocery store in nothing but a diaper.

3. Buy nothing but beer and butterfingers.

Congratulations!

Nope, Not a Word

I don't care how many times you say it. How you use it. What freaking language you speak...

Prolly is not a word.

It's probably. It's bad enough to pronounce it "prolly", but to actually type out those letters?

My ears AND my eyes hurt.

You're Trying To Be Funny, Right?

Because no one would seriously put:

"P.s. Gifts welcome!"

On the bottom of an invitation to a baby shower.

For your FIFTH baby? You've already got 2 boys and 2 girls. Your husband is an attorney. Really "gifts welcome"?

Sorry I won't be attending.

Photo Op

When you are over the age of 30. Married with kids. Drive an SUV. Aren't a "gangsta". Go to church every Sunday.

Stop posing like a douche bag wanna be in every. single. picture. ever. taken.

Seriously. How many times can you throw the peace sign? Honestly?

It's especially priceless to try and look like a thug when you are holding your baby girl. Really?

Sorry you have the 'little man' complex but looking like a jackass in pictures isn't helping your case.

A special message:

Dear 16 year olds.

Stop having sex. Really.


{Unless you plan on placing your baby with an adoptive couple. Then carry on.}

Used Car Salesmen

Seriously. Should anyone over the age of say, 14 go by the name "Bobby"?

Like I'm going to give a 50+ year old man that goes by Bobby $30,000.

Parenting 101

It's never to soon to let the TV babysit your kids.

Bonus points if you can figure out how to prop their bottle up and stick them in front of the TV at say, 3 months?

Score!

Chew, Chew, Chew your food.

Since when did chewing with your mouth closed become uncool?

Works Like a Charm

Flirting with the Taco Bell drive thru guy will score you extra hot sauce.

Totally worth it!

Selling Online Rocks!

But, could you take 4 seconds and make sure your pictures are all upright?

Tiny pictures of whatever you're selling are crap enough, but to leave them sideways, really?