Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Went To a Rodeo.

Yes I'm from the country.

Um, people were walking around in flip-flops and sandals. Really? You don't realize the "dirt" you are walking around in is probably 60% horse, cow and bull crap?

I hope you showered before you got into bed...


Monday, June 29, 2009

H1N1 (aka: Swine Flu)

If you are sick, STAY HOME!

Don't show up to work/church/public then complain that you think you have the flu. Are you freaking kidding me? We wonder why this is spreading so fast? STOP SPREADING IT!

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Sorry I gave you the impression that your children were welcome to run around my house while you sat on your ass and told me how nice and clean my house was.

Thank you for leaving while I vacuumed Doritos out of my couch cousins and wiped fingers prints off my walls.

Sorry I gave you the impression my house was child proof (seriously? Do I have young children? NO)

When you are invited to an event at someones home, ask if you can bring your children first just don't show up with a 3 year old. If you must bring children to an adult event - WATCH them! Don't let them run wild!

Friday, June 26, 2009

While we're on the subject of bizarre names,

lets stop changing the spelling of perfectly acceptable, normal, classic names.

Alyviah? Seriously? What's wrong with Olivia?

Nikaloas? Huh? You were too good for Nickolas?

And honest to God someone took the bass akwards name Nevaeh (Heaven backwards) and flucked up that spelling? Nahveigha? WHA??? WHY?

Hope your kids are smart because they are going to be spelling their names for people for the rest of their lives.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Stop Making Up Baby Names

Stop. Please.

When you think of a name for your child, imagine that child in various jobs. Can you imagine, "This is the CEO of our company, Chevy." NO!

"Here is out top salesperson, Pernille." How the F do you even say that?

Are you freaking kidding me? You are grooming your child to become a drug addicted petty thief.

Unless you really don't like your child and you are looking forward to them being teased in Kindergarten because they can't spell or pronounce their own name.

Good luck with that!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just creepy dude. Really.

If you are a large, bald, scary looking man wearing a wife beater, please do not chase down a tiny little blonde girl in the parking lot. I don't care what you are trying to sell, if its in broad daylight - you will get maced. Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

When a second cash register opens up,

and the clerk says, "I can help whoever is next." I'm pretty sure she means the next person in line. Not you, the loser that is closer because you just came out of the beer cooler at noon. But awesome job butting in front of the cute old guy trying to pay for gas.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Smoking Is Gross

Even more so when two dudes are sharing one cigarette in the parking lot of Arctic Circle while I'm waiting for my shake.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Cell Phone vs. The Office

Turn your cell phone to vibrate or silence at work.

I don't need to hear "who let the dogs out" every 7 seconds when your kid calls you.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I Got A New Car!

No body cares.

We aren't 18 anymore. If your dick is that little and you need to flash a 25K car on your blog/facebook/whatever. You're a loser.

Good luck with that.