Friday, July 31, 2009


STOP using tanning beds!! Apparently they are as dangerous as arsenic!?!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Not Smart

If you are in a power chair because you are obese, it's probably not the best idea to use said power chair to drive to McDonald's.

I'm just say'n.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Try Again.

Unless you are farming, gardening, working on equipment, or under the age of 2 - you should not under any circumstances be wearing overalls.

Trust me on this one.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

How to look like white trash in 3 easy steps:

1. Cut the arms off of your own shirts.

2. Bring your 18 months old child to the grocery store in nothing but a diaper.

3. Buy nothing but beer and butterfingers.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Nope, Not a Word

I don't care how many times you say it. How you use it. What freaking language you speak...

Prolly is not a word.

It's probably. It's bad enough to pronounce it "prolly", but to actually type out those letters?

My ears AND my eyes hurt.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

You're Trying To Be Funny, Right?

Because no one would seriously put:

"P.s. Gifts welcome!"

On the bottom of an invitation to a baby shower.

For your FIFTH baby? You've already got 2 boys and 2 girls. Your husband is an attorney. Really "gifts welcome"?

Sorry I won't be attending.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Photo Op

When you are over the age of 30. Married with kids. Drive an SUV. Aren't a "gangsta". Go to church every Sunday.

Stop posing like a douche bag wanna be in every. single. picture. ever. taken.

Seriously. How many times can you throw the peace sign? Honestly?

It's especially priceless to try and look like a thug when you are holding your baby girl. Really?

Sorry you have the 'little man' complex but looking like a jackass in pictures isn't helping your case.

Monday, July 20, 2009

A special message:

Dear 16 year olds.

Stop having sex. Really.

{Unless you plan on placing your baby with an adoptive couple. Then carry on.}

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Used Car Salesmen

Seriously. Should anyone over the age of say, 14 go by the name "Bobby"?

Like I'm going to give a 50+ year old man that goes by Bobby $30,000.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Parenting 101

It's never to soon to let the TV babysit your kids.

Bonus points if you can figure out how to prop their bottle up and stick them in front of the TV at say, 3 months?


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Chew, Chew, Chew your food.

Since when did chewing with your mouth closed become uncool?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Works Like a Charm

Flirting with the Taco Bell drive thru guy will score you extra hot sauce.

Totally worth it!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Selling Online Rocks!

But, could you take 4 seconds and make sure your pictures are all upright?

Tiny pictures of whatever you're selling are crap enough, but to leave them sideways, really?